A park.
At dusk.
No one will see the changes
About to unfold
The moon's light, the star's gleam
And the dog chasing his tail
But not yet.
One grassy patch is yellow
A new leaf emerges, one that noone's ever seen before
Helmets in hand
Young boys playfully skip to the field
Blanketed by the night's sky
The wind chills
Mountains vanish
Children age in the dark
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3 comments:
This is a really cool image all together if you just smoosh it all together. xD I like the creativity of the park -- dark, with a bunch of guys playing on a field. My favorite line is "Children age in the dark," especially since everyone is always saying that children grow up so fast, no one ever realises how fast they're growing up. It's a cool poem. Surprisingly, it doesn't rhyme! Maybe you're branching out into other types of poetry xD
-Kat
This mimicry is well done. It flows nicely and I can see everything. When I read your poem, I remember playing in the park near my house when I was young. It's relatable. This makes the poem engaging. One question, is there supposed to be a period at the end? Love it, love it, love it!
I have no idea who it is that you tried to mimic with this piece but it really does not matter because you made it your own. Your first two lines leave the reader wanting more and are brilliantly placed. This poem ends up starting about the mundane and ends up finishing profoundly. The last line is intense. Awesome job!
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