I am going to hunch my back like an old man
with a cane and plant myself in the white leather chair.
I am going to be washed by the pink
sunset which has splattered itself all over the mountain.
I am going to pay attention to our lives
zooming quickly past like shooting stars.
For once, we won't talk about the unraveling
economy or the fancy Mustang that crisply sings.
For once, I am going to ignore the whirling emotions,
thoughts, and chaos
so I can take the moment to stop.
Breathe
inhale, exhale.
And realize that I
am in control.
5 comments:
I loved this poem!!!! Your description was amazing! I could definitely tell exactly which poem you were imitating, but you were still completely original, so i didn't feel like it was a waste of my time or like you were just coppying someone else's work. I could tell that you put a lot of thought into every single word that you chose, and the whole poem flowed really well. The only critism i have was that i think there were a few errors with grammer. Great poem overall!!!!
I thought this poem was really well done. After i read it i knew what poem you were mimicking. I thought the whole poem flowed really well and all of the adjectives and verbs worked really well.
Ooooh, I really like the image of the sunset "splattering itself." That's reall cool. I would never have thought of it that way. And the "I am in control" reveals a trait of yours that you like to be in control. Nice job :]
Ari,
I love this poem because of its imagery. I know that you usually don't play with imagery so much, but here, with your juxtaposition of old age, white, aging, with the vibrant sunset against the mountains, alive, but also aging. This is so you, but I feel like you let loose a little with the imagery to create something more real. Nice job.
This is such a beautiful poem and I love the simplicity of the idea to just stop to catch your breath and start breathing.
"I am going to be washed by the pink sunset which has splattered itself all over the mountain."-best line of sensory detail
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