She sat right behind him,
Staring, memorizing every
Brown curl,
Each cowlick,
Each freckle on
His neck.
She watched for his
Idiosyncrasies,
Finding many:
How he put his pencil
To his lips
When he was thinking,
How he blinked several times
Before he spoke
As if his lids would cover
The little men organizing
His thoughts.
How he bit his nails,
But not to a nub.
She liked his tenor voice,
And the words
He chose for speech.
Too soon, the class ended.
And so too was her observation
Session.
5 comments:
Caitlin this is so good! You throw me into a vulnerable position because I think to the person whom I stare at in different classes. You have almost tapped into a feeling of guilt for me, but you have painted it inside me. I love love how you have decided to separate the stanzas; it makes it really affective poetry. The only tiny thing that threw me off was in the end you say "And so too was he observation Session" when I wanted you to say "And so too did her observation Session." I really see your voice in this. You have developed the personality of the narrator (as yourself) without ever even referring to her. I especially recognized that it was your work because of your mention of his fingernails. You tend to sway towards describing people this way... My favorite part is "The little men organizing His thoughts." BRILLIANT. Really, great work.
-Rachel
Thank you so much, Rachel! Hmmm, that would flow better, you're right. Maybe I'll edit it. Thank you for your praise and the look into your head -- it helps. :D
THIS WAS SO GOOD!!!!! I am kind of clueless when it comes to poetry but i know that this is amazing! I love your line breaks! They are so affective in making my mind really focus on one element at a time. I felt like i was there with the girl and i could see practically see him! My favorite line was the one about the little men under him eye lids-- that was sooo original!! I definately agree with Rachel about the last line-- it confused me a little. Other than that i thought that this piece was practically perfect!
Wow Caitlin! I'm not really sure if it is possible to capture the greatness of this poem. First, I loved the topic of it. I realized what goes through my mind when I uncontrollably stare at people. Also, I loved the way that you divided up the stanzas, because they all had a different topic, yet they all contained a common thread throughout. I loved the part when you said the little men organizing his thoughts, because it creates an image that you can't actually see physically, only mentally. Awesome job on this poem.
-Ariella
This was very good Caitlin. With this poem you have shown how versatile a writer you are and that was really really cool to see. This was such an incredibly original piece that it blew me away.You took a risk with this poem but you pulled it off nicely. The only reason that I say risk is because I wouldn't describe how I stare at people, but you pulled it off in a not creepy way. Great job, Caitlin!
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