Fearless

I noticed Ahsan’s eyes dilate, not because he held a cup of the family’s secret recipe hot coco, but because of his sheer anticipation and awe. His interest was contagious and caused me to sit at the edge of the couch, take off the think frames, and tell him a story of fearlessness from within the family. He fidgeted from one sitting position to next on the silk and wool woven rug I had brought back from Pakistan, but I knew he was soaking in every word. The story I decided to tell him was epically juvenile, yet so maturely profound that it was matched only by the story of Alexander the Great. It was said that Alexander the Great had conquered all of Asia by the age of fourteen, but Arshad conquered fear at the age of four. Ahsan was ready to be inspired, and I was ready to relive the moment. And so I began the tale….



The blanket of autumn had just descended upon the small town of Hari-Pur, and all of the birds hushed their songs as they began their wait for next spring. Unlike the birds, Arshad did not retreat from the seasons, and he did not let his two and a half year old brother retreat either. Gogi was not as fond of experiencing the world through hard contact as was his four year old brother. When I had become pregnant, the duty of watching Gogi fell upon Arshi, but Arshi was not willing to leave his escapades in the outside world to sit around and babysit. Instead, he turned babysitting into a boot camp with the primary goal of making Gogi active, even though he was a marshmallow of baby-- also the plan came with the added benefit of a playmate to run around aimlessly with. Gogi did not enjoy frolicking in backyard as much as his older brother, and instead loved to draw circles around the house in places that only he knew existed. Arshi introduced Gogi to his boot camp by creeping up behind him, and flicking his ear as Gogi would be in the midst of drawing an adventure. Gogi’s round face would contort into nothing more than two menacing eyes that could cut through the soul of a weaker man. This is when Arshi would run away, and Gogi would have to move his small spherical body in order to get his revenge. In the midst of his anger, Gogi forgot his laziness. He would speed waddle behind his older brother, each step looking like it would be his last as his cheeks and neck would bounce from side to side in an attempt to keep up with his spirit. Arshi’s plan had a near flawless success rate, and his boot camp received five stars from me.

Arshi was not as inflammable in spirit, as his little brother; in fact he was a timid child. He would cry if anyone ever gave him the stink eye, and it would frighten him if anyone spoke harshly or loudly around him. He had many phobias, the greatest them being dogs. The boot camp would usually end with Gogi catching up to his older brother, but when he did, he would usually be too gassed to do anything, so Arshi would put his hands under Gogi’s armpits, lean back for leverage, and pick up his healthy little brother to bring him back inside to me. Freshening up my two sons after they had made a mess of themselves during their boot camp, and taking them on a long walk was a ritual that I tried to abide by religiously. However, that day I wish I had skipped the routine. After I freshened up the boys, and put them into matching shalwar kamisai, traditional Pakistani suits, I led them out the door for the evening stroll. As we stepped outside, Gogi saw a large stray dog slowly trudging behind the far hedges outside of the house and went to follow.

Gogi seemed as though the tumble was immanent, and with each step Gogi’s lips shook releasing another wad of drool that showered the ground below. As Gogi finally got to the gap between the hedges the dog turned around. The stray German Sheppard began to slowly walk towards Gogi. Forgetting the fact that I was six months pregnant, I ran as fast as I could, but before my second stride was completed, Arshi was already there. He grabbed Gogi’s collar and threw Gogi behind him, just as the dog came close enough to touch. With Gogi safely behind, Arshi glanced at the dog and began to shiver in fear. Arshi peered through slightly open eyes and saw the dog just feet away from him. Arshi felt the shaking touch of his little brother on his hip, and remembered exactly what he was doing. He opened his eyes and threw his arms out to the sides, but fear was crawling up his body once again. A growl began to build in the dog’s throat, its lips began to recede revealing its scintillating white fangs and blood-red gums, and finally it let out a thunderous bark inches away from Arshi’s face. Arshi’s eyes clenched tighter, his teeth chattered, his eyes leaked with tears, and his knees twitched furiously, but still he did not move. The dog let its ears come up, stepped back, and stared at Arshi, but now Arshi was staring back. Neither of them saw fear in the other’s eyes. The dog stepped back again, and let out one more bark, but still Arshi stood there staring. After the dog walked away, Arshi felt a touch on his hip again, and the glue that held him in place dissolved as he turned around. He lifted his little brother, and clutched him when I finally realized that I was in the moment as well. I quickly scooped Arshi in one arm and Gogi in the other and painted their entire faces red with my fresh lipstick, paying no attention to their squirming or complaints.



As soon as the story finished Ahsan bolted onto my lap and looked at me with a cookie crumb and hot coco goatee around his lips. I asked him how he liked the story, and he jumped out of lap and started dramatically reciting the story word for word with a special emphasis and acting on the dog’s barks, which caused the cookie crumbs to fall from his face onto the family rug down below. Finally he looked at me and asked, “Do you think I can ever be like my Arshi Cha (uncle)?” I kissed him on the forehead, combed his long, black hair to one side with my hand, and replied, “You will be even better.”